coco and his various disguises*

a few photos that i recently found from about a month ago, from a trip to our terrific local farmer's market.  coco waited his turn (as patiently as a two point five year old can!) for face painting and specified that he wanted a blonde mustache.  and sparkles!  very dastardly...  particularly when combined with popcorn...

i've been having a rough time coming up with words lately for the blog.  quite suddenly i'm finding myself feeling out-of-synch with the stay/work-at/from-home mom situation.  it's as if a switch just flipped and i really want to go back to work.  my plan was to stay at home for the next year and go back when coco is three and a half.  that plan included time to register for preschool well in advance and to continue our rounds of fun activities.  hey, i kept telling myself - depressingly, realistically - it's probably the only decent stretch of time you'll get off until you retire!  cole is a sweet little guy and i'm definitely one lucky mom, but i'm finding myself at a loss lately.

but, it could be that two and a half years is a long time to do solely any one thing in particular, let alone when that one job involves a hell of a lot of sweeping and getting kicked in the eye on occasion.  cole is a swell kid and i'm sure down the road i'll slap myself on the forehead and think, "duh, you should have realized!"  but that doesn't stop me from yearning to reenter the workforce, get my career back on track, go to a job that doesn't involve sweeping or getting kicked in the eye, to get dressed up and talk to grown-ups.  as a person i am quite all-or-nothing and the time sitting on the fence never really suits me well.  i like to be going, doing and not pondering, waiting, twisting elements to fit in ways they don't seem able to.

like child care, for example.  in order to get a little more time to work on the contract graphic design projects i have on the go (and am very thankful for) i am fortunate to have the help of my delightful mother-in-law, bonnie. she has agreed to look after cole for one day each week so that i can go to meetings and otherwise just find places to work outside these walls.  stopping and starting makes for a fragmented experience as a designer and thinking of those hours in a row is like cool, cool water.  but i also need to find a full time preschool spot for cole in our area.  we are on the wait list at two places and not having any inkling of whether the "very small chance" of getting a spot before christmas is even realistic is frustrating.  i have to find some more alternatives and then, oh yes, i don't actually have a real job again yet, so there is that matter to attend to...  chicken/egg, cart/horse much?

i do think cole could benefit from preschool though.  he has been just enthralled at the centres we've visited - all the toys and the kids and the possibilities.  potty training pre-anything has to be our next jaunt...

jamie has been very supportive of my random craziness lately.  he's been in my corner giving me the vote of confidence when i signed up for a random class at emily carr.  he gave me the thumbs up on my weirdo new jeans.  he takes care of coco when i, once in a while, have said "i need a selfish day to do selfish things and i'm sorry but not sorry enough..."  i am really lucky to have such a good guy and cole is certainly lucky to have such a great dad.

and so ends my random tirade about the downtrodden life of one lucky mom.  if you see me around looking crazy, now you know why.  ;-)

*that title probably applies to me too...